Lulu RiveraI'm a pastor's wife, mom, and then Author, Biblical Counselor, Life Purpose Coach, Financial Coach, Bible Teacher, and Speaker. Archives
February 2024
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Incorruptible Beauty2/29/2024 One subject that seems to create a debate is the subject of women dressing modestly. You have churches that are extreme in their teaching and thus require women to not wear jewelry, makeup, or pants. Then you have the other extreme where churches take the freedom we have in Jesus to not have any guidelines for dress. There must be a healthy, Godly balance. To do so, we must understand exactly what the Bible says on the subject.
The Bible has so much to say to a believer about how to conduct themselves in a Godly manner. There are, however, several verses referring specifically to women. Paul wrote a letter to Timothy concerning the manner of dress of the women in the church of Ephesus. He said in I Timothy 2:9-10, “(In like manner) that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing but which is proper for women professing godliness with good works” (NKJV). Paul was addressing the issue of dress because prostitutes during this time wore fancy clothes and jewelry to attract men. Paul says if a woman is professing to be a Christian then she should look like one. He makes it clear that a woman is to be modest and sensible. In other words, people ought to be able to look at you and recognize you are not a common woman. 2 Corinthians 6:17 says to come out from among “them” (the world) and be separate. Women are to avoid vanity and worldliness. This in no way means a woman cannot look nice. It means there must be balance. A woman should look nice and take pride in her appearance. However, a woman should not spend all her time and effort on looking so good on the outside that she fails to develop inner beauty. A woman should care more about developing a Godly character which includes self-control, wisdom, love, and compassion among other things. Peter also wrote a letter to believers in several parts of Asia Minor concerning the subject of dress. In I Peter 3:3-4, he writes, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (NKJV). Again, we see the same theme in Peter’s letter that we saw in Paul’s. Women were concentrating too much on their outward appearance instead of developing a Godly character. Not only is a woman to dress modestly but she should not be unruly and unrestrained. The lack of modest dressing is due to several factors. First of all, we live in a society that teaches women to dress promiscuously. Even girls in middle schools are wearing extremely low-cut blouses and super short shorts to school. Secondly, the church has become lukewarm and compromising. Many of today’s churches have congregants show up in jeans, sneakers, shorts and sandals among other things. They want to send the message that you can come as you are. Even the pastors are called by their first name, not pastor. Their message is “we’re trying to keep it real.” I agree that visitors and new believers should come as they are. However, there comes a time when they need to stop drinking milk and start eating meat. As believers mature in their faith, it should be evident in their manner of speech, their behavior, their thinking and in their way of dressing. Many churches don’t have women teaching other women what is appropriate. Another factor is low self-esteem. There are so many women that feel insecure about their looks that they think they have to look a certain way in order to be noticed. This includes women that are aging. They want to appear younger than they are, so they begin to wear tight-fitting clothes, lots of makeup and very high heeled shoes. Women need to be taught what the Bible says about inward and outward beauty so that their thinking can be renewed. Another factor is that there are some cultures that are very liberal in the way they dress. Lastly, there are just some women who do not want to change the way they are. They either do not see anything wrong with their way of dress or they have an unteachable spirit. So, how’s a woman to dress? First of all, women ought to ask the Holy Spirit for His opinion. Secondly, use wisdom and common sense. We can be fashionable and stylish and still be modest. Thirdly, don’t wear clothes that are provocative. We are not to cause any men to stumble. Also, sometimes the latest in fashion may be something that does not flatter your appearance. Wear clothes that flatter you and hide your flaws. Finally, respect yourself. Know your self-worth as a woman of God. If you’re trying to get people’s attention, you really need to do some soul searching and ask God what is causing you to do that so that you can be set free from it. I miss the days when women dressed with pure class and sophistication. Now women leave little to the imagination. Let’s get classy for our Lord Jesus!
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Handling The Empty Nest Syndrome5/15/2019 According to Psychology Today, the empty nest syndrome is, "A transitional period in life that highlights loneliness and loss." Many parents experience this when all their children leave the home. The symptoms are: Sadness, loss, depression, loneliness, distress, and a loss of purpose and meaning in life. It is especially hard to a stay-at-home parent as well as a single parent. I heard one time that if you prepare for the inevitable, it will lessen the pain of it when it comes. Well, I had been preparing for it but it did not lessen the pain at all.
When my oldest son left, I went into his room the next day with a bucket of paint and completely transformed a teenager's bedroom into a guest room. This helped because I no longer was looking at things that reminded me of when he lived here. I missed him but felt comfort knowing he was only 30 minutes away.. He would also visit about once a week. Now it's different; he joined the Air Force and there's really no telling when I will see my son again, which only adds more sadness. Moreover, my second and remaining son, is moving across the country in 3 weeks to attend college and live permanently. I certainly won't see him once a week! This only adds more grief to my plate.Yes, I already have the paint and decor ready for his room transformation! It is recommended that you find things to keep you busy such as have an active social life, pick up a hobby, travel, and/or pursue career or educational goals. Although I keep very busy writing books and doing DIY home projects, I'm still dealing with the grief. I know eventually it will subside. I'm grateful I have the most wonderful husband who makes me laugh and is helping me through this transition. How about you? Have you experienced the empty nest syndrome? How did you deal with it? What do you wish you had done differently?
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Womanhood - A Word of Exhortation2/12/2018 When you hear the word “womanhood,” what comes to your mind? When I set out to write my book, “Purposed for Womanhood," I was appalled at what I found on the internet as I searched the word “womanhood.” The results were erotic and perverted. It was certainly not what I expected. It’s no wonder many church-going women buy into the latest trend of showing lots of cleavage or their breasts. They don’t have a Biblical understanding of womanhood.
Biblical womanhood calls for decency, dignity and self-respect. Some may think they have to give up fashion and dress like the Amish women (no offense to them intended at all). We certainly don’t have to go to the extreme. But we are called to use wisdom and discretion. It breaks my heart to see young women (who claim to be Christian) dressing in a manner that illustrates they are still allowing the world to dictate their fashion picks. Ladies, if you are in ministry or are a church leader, please be the example the other women desperately need. Don’t show cleavage or your breasts. If you do, you don’t have the right to complain that people are looking at you a certain way or that men are being aroused by what you are exposing. I’m even seeing this type of dress on Christian television. How sad and disturbing that the network even allows this. Let’s respect and honor our God. Let’s be the example the church needs. Only then will we be the example the world needs. We cannot bring the world into the church. We are to be the light they desperately need.
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Starting Over2/7/2018 A few years ago I attempted to sign into my Wordpress blog account. I tried and tried but to no avail. I researched the web to find a justifiable reason for my blog site not opening. It turns out that when I was in the midst of switching web hosts, my blog was deleted because it was linked to the host of my previous website. Frustrated? You better believe it! I wrote for five years in that blog and never even thought I would need a backup of all my writings.
So here I am, starting from scratch. This inconvenient circumstance reminded me of when I had to start my life over after being married for 20 years. We all, at one time or another, are forced to start over because life throws curve balls at us. How do you handle curve balls? Change? Crisis? Loss? In order to stay sane in this insane world we live in, it is crucial that we learn how to handle change in an effective way. Many people choose to become bitter and angry at what happens to them. They don't realize that anger and bitterness robs them of joy. Don't allow unexpected circumstances to defeat you. Just like when I educated myself on the blog issue, you should educate yourself on whatever change life has thrown at you. Learn how to handle that change, embrace it, and find the good in it. As my hubby always says, "flip that baby!" |